Humour - Text Based
Bumper Stickers
A
list of little comments that would look just as home on the end
of an email or an IRC quitmsg as they would on the back of a car...
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"All generalizations are false."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening
at once."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned
vehicle."
"Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons."
"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer
in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."
"REHAB is for quitters"
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let
her sleep"
"All men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
"E. coli Happens"
"Ashes to ashes..dust to dust..get off my ass
you crazy nut!"
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an
airport."
"SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"Tow-ers will be violated"
"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
"Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it,
the meaner I get !! "
"I KNOW JACK SHIT!"
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian."
"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still
an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to
get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case
heaven is like the IRS."
"Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.! "
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do
with your lips."
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle
drugs."
"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have
power surges."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are
they made of meat?"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute
of it!"
"Assassins do it from behind!"
"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth
control!"
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays
off NOW!"
"Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist."
"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you
have got. "
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills
all it's students!"
"Which came first? The woman or the department
store?"
"LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools."
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't
exist."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal
to kill them."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others
have."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited
inventory."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy
comes from!"
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
"First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring,
then the suffering.."
Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we
pick up worms"
"Don't come knocking if the car is rocking"
"Save Water - Take a bath with your neighbor's
daughter"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using
Your Turn Signal ! "
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they
appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of
SMART?"
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things
get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better
idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone
else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you
move bodies."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere
may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had
a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will
Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing
home."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those
who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...
till you can find a rock."
"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working
with sub-atomic particles."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the
dog. -Dorothy."
"I is a college student."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall
off."
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
"Eschew obfuscation."
"God Is Coming, And She Is Pissed!"
"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you
want?"
"CAUTION: This vehicle may wreck or explode for
no apparent reason."
"We're staying together for the sake of the cats."
"It's been lovely, but I have to scream now."
"My karma ran over your dogma."
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily."
"Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus."
"Welcome to Texas, now go home."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some
of your own."
"Life's too short to dance with ugly men."
"Life's too short to dance with ugly women."
"My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's
going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her."
"When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case
heaven is like the IRS)."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall
off."
"Beer isn't just for breakfast any more."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"Eschew obfuscation."
"Will Rogers never met a lawyer."
"Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face
on the back of a milk carton."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Don't steal. The government hates competition."
"Is there life before coffee?"
"Never play leap frog with a unicorn."
"The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful."
"I Cayman went."
"My other wife is beautiful."
"I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"
"Smile. It's the scond best thing you can do with
your lips."
"Don't laugh. Yor daughter could be in this vehicle."
"Nuke the unborn baby whales."
"Geez if you belive in honkus."
"Save California; when you leave take someone
with you."
"I came, I saw, I did a little shopping."
"There's one in every crowd and they always find
me."
"If money could talk, it would say goodbye."
"When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a
stranger."
"Just when you think you've won the rat race along
come faster rats."
"If it's too loud, you're too old."
"The worst day fishing is better than the best
day working."
"Cynics are people who know the price of everything
and the value of nothing."
"Who cares who's on board?"
"Die Yuppie Scum."
"Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it."
"Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister."
"Women make great leaders. You're following one
now."
"Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities."
"Exxon Suxx."
"Honk if you love cheeses."
"Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't
exist."
"I don't care who you are, what you are driving,
or where you would rather be."
"So many pedestrians, so little time."
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